2. Encounters with a Cat Theif

Babushka Svetlana awoke early on a Thursday morning to give her cat Putzina a walk around the block. She hitched Putzina onto her little leash with the jingly bells and led the cat out through the rotting apartment door and down the long, twisted stairwell of watershed heights.
The fat cat wobbled like a a penguin alongside the old woman, her stubby little toes patting the ground delicately with each footfall. Most neighbors stared inquisitively at Babushka Svetlana when she brought Putzina on such escapades through the city block, however Sveta did not consider it strange to walk a cat, since cat-walkings were quite common back in the old country of Ukraine.
As Sveta and Putzina emerged from the dank cocoon of Watershed Heights, Putzina began meowing frantically. Sveta slapped the cat on the nose, cursing in Russian, and Putzina, prone to becoming dizzy because of her high blood pressure and massive belly weight, began wobbling slowly to the side, and flopped over onto the pavement, dead. (THIS IS NOT ANIMAL ABUSE!!!)
Sveta nudged the stiff cat with her big toe. "Глупый жира ужасно сука!!!!" The old woman spat into the dead cat's face, strenuously crouching over its bulbous body.
"Ah, I guess it's time to make stew then," thought the Babushka as she gathered her wits, dusted off her skirt, and began to again crouch over, this time in hopes of picking up the dead cat to cradle lovingly back up to the apartment. But as Sveta began to reach out her globular appendages to pick up the late little Putzina, the only friend she'd had for some time, an insane naked man ran past her, scooping up the dead cat in his hairy naked arms.
"FOOD!" The man howled like a wolf and dove into the fountain up the street, causing a flock of pigeons to evacuate, warbling loudly and pooping all over the ground. He looked like a neanderthal. "Несамоходные неприкрытой американских свиньи. Я новых я никогда не должны были перенесены с всех этихобезьяна!" Babushka Svetlana clenched her fists ferociously. Damn hippies.
A gaggle of policemen stormed after the man, scooting to a confused stop as they reached the fountain, only to be assaulted by a thousand flying feathers of the pigeons of Watershed Heights.